life...and stuff

sooo life....wow...its crazy! So we are moving on my bday...yes it sux and yes its crazy, but i have to be out but aug 1st.. where am i moving? back into my mother inlaws house....crazy again...yes.... but this is what happens when life throws piles of shit your way.... am i mad at the world right now...you better believe it... just dont understand it... the beginning of this year every thing looked great his was going to be a great year....we had a nice to new car and extra money and we'd be able to save and wow life was going to be great!!! SMACK!!! fucking shit smacked us right in the face...first pauls wages are going to get garnished....then....car starts falling apart......than paul defiantly getting garnished 200 a month......then.....car needs to engine...WTF......car is fixed ok...well be ok.....then.....car gets stolen....FUCK.....then rent goes up $60....WTF.....now car is back and broken with no money no car losing $200 a month and rents increasing $60....FUCK.... so we are left with a $70 deficit if you will each week...each week ive got $70 dollars more going out then coming in....WTF....and i know what your thinking go get a job but WRONG then my rent goes up another $150 just if i make anything over $100...and whos going to watch my kid.....sooo thus i am moving into my mother inlaws house....is it what i really want....no i want my own house with a pool and a 2010 car in the drive way....am i going to get it....maybe buy 2100.....................just not fair...so many people just get life handed to them while i just get shit flung my way!! WTF did i do....im sorry i know im not perfect but over all ima good person... i just want whats best for my daughter and i know a secure stable home is the answer and this way i can go back to work and save up money.... this is not where i saw my life going and this is not where i want to be and believe me i am working hard to change that... but when youve got nothing an such lil support your whole life its hard to climb outta the shit pile... just wish my life was in a different place.. i dont regret the choices i have made just wish other in the world and in my life made better choices so they didnt affect me soo much....ONTO THE OTHER THING THAT IS PISSING ME OFF....liars....why the freak do you need to lie...please tell me....i mean ive told lil white lies here and there but come on....COME ON....constantly lying and making up stories are you for reall..... i wish my life was that freaking boring I REALLY DO.....cuz drama breaks my door down and you just keep creating your own....really wish i had the guts to tell you to go shove it where the sun dont shine and leave me the hell alone...but no...im nice....i cant be mean soo ill let you drive me crazy for probably the rest of our time together because hey if i havent told my mother off yet(well i did but she didnt really get the hint and i didnt stay away...thats another story) then im not going to.....well then again.....your not my mother....soo.....if i piss you off does it really matter? Hmmm ok than GO WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE I HAVE MY OWN SHIT TO DEAL WITH AND I DONT NEED YOUR DRAMA OR LIES OR JUST PLAIN B/S BECAUSE NO ONE FREAKING JUST HANDS ME SHIT I HAVE TO WORK FOR WHAT IVE GOT AND SORRY IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK ANY MORE, YOU JUST KEEP PUTTING ME DOWN AND MAKING YOUR SELF LOOK SO GREAT WHEN YOUR NOT...AGAIN STOP LYING ITS GETTING SOOOOO OLD... YOUVE ALWAYS PUT YOUR SELF FIRST YOUR NOT A GOOD PERSON AND IM SORRY BUT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN BEST FRIENDS I JUST FELT SORRY FOR YOU AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH I WOULDA NEVER FREAKING MET YOU OR AT LEAST I WOULDA RAN FAR FAR AWAY FROM YOU WHEN I FOUND OUT WHAT KINDA PERSON YOU REALLY ARE . HONESTLY I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN JUST GROW THE FUCK UP CUZ YOUR KIDS NEED YOU!! there i think thats all, ok i feel better good night!!!!

how do u

how do you mend a broken heart how do you dry the tears when they wont stop falling. how do you move forward when your only looking back.

still waiting

still waiting to find out the out come to my life.. its a really big cliff hanger that's got me nervous.. my stomach is twisted into knots and im not sure how this all is going to go. God grant me patience's please, and please lord lead me guide me show me the way cuz i am so lost and so affraid... be with my lord now i pray help me make it threw another day! Amen.

two types of people in this world

I’ve come to believe that there are two types of people in this world. God like and Devil life.
The God like people, one normally believe in God, but maybe not all. They truly feel peoples pain, within their own souls they hurt for the pain of people who have lost, lost loved ones, lost homes, even lost their sense of self. They care, they care how they could make this world better, they care about what they say or do to other people. They help out when ever they can, where they are needed, without much complaint. They are God’s people. Then there’s the devil like people, these people normally to not believe in God, but again maybe some do. These people find pleasure in other peoples pain. They truly hope for others sorrow because at least it makes them better (in there eyes obviously this is not the case). Some are competitive for the “who’s got it worse game” which really should not be a game, because if you ask me, who really wants their life to be any worse than any one else’s? They don’t care what happens around them, like natural disasters, because hey at least it wasn’t them. They think the world owes them something and therefore they don’t have to do anything because life should just hand it to them. They think that when others get something good its no fair because they deserve it more than any one else. These are devil like people.
Now also I’ve come to believe that not all people are bad, but no all are good. It would be truly hard for us as simple humans to always be God like, because I know some of us try our best but we still fall into the devils side now and again. However I do believe that we each have our own personalities that either mainly stem from being Godly or Devilish. This doesn’t mean the angel can’t be the demon and the demon can’t repent to be an angel, God forgives! But think about it are you more out for you or do you care about other‘s, genuinely care? Would you give a freezing person the shirt off your back, risking that you may now freeze or would you simply say I’m sorry walk away thinking your glad your not the one freezing. Its up to you how you want to be, but know that there’s always time for a change.

cant take it

i cant take it any more ...... every time i think life is going up it falls right back down. ive got very few options left... holding out hope on the goodness of the world and we all know thats not sure bet these days. just really dont understand it. how can something like this happen??? how can people just turn their backs and pretend like nothing happen HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT??? HOW?? i dont think i could live with myself if i fucked some one over this bad..... just dont get it... really hoping something will work out... knowing that some how it has to but i have no f*in clue how....or when.....or whats going to happen... i hate not having one freaking ounce of control over my fate its just ridiculous... i know i cant always have control but dammit this is just ......AHHHH cant take it... at the breaking point....im done....im done playing nice...im done trying to hold it all together... im coming apart at the seems and its only a matter of time before this whole thing i call life officially just unravels and falls to complete pieces......

irritations

ive had many irritations today...just really irritated right now.. dont understand peoples lack of common sense and how they just cant seem to get 2 and 2 together.... its 4 people...gee oh well the day will get better...right?....right.....i think....no it will....ahhh it has to...

thank god

sooo thank god the insurance company is going to settle with us YAY! just not sure how much we are getting... now we have to find a new car again...hope god protects us this time and we make a much better choice...please pray that this all goes well could really use some good prayers! Paul also got interviewed for a new position at work...like all new position that they never even had before... but its only a 20 cent raise and its 4pm1am sooooo not really sure how that is going to work out... happy for my baby but wondering what kinda strain that might put on our family!! oh well god will guide us we've just gotta listen!! well thats it good news sooo yay june is going to be our lucky month i know it god will help us!!

umm..yeah

so kaylynn just took like 6 steps...very well i might add. across the room just to get to me..thought she was going to sit and crawl but nope she walked. so happy shes finally getting it.. me and daddy and her aunt and grandparents too have been working soo hard to get her to just let go...shes finally doing it.. Plus she keeps saying new words, she loves to "try" and sing the alphabet song (so funny and cute) im trying to work on sounds of letters with her now, she just looks at me like im silly... maybe i am but i want her to have a good head start in life. i want her to have and take every opportunity she has in life. i want the best for her in every way possible.. Shes so cute, every time i ask her if she wants a lil brother or sister she looks at me, smiles, then gives me a big hug :) i want another lil one, especially a boy because my husband is dying for a boy and i really want to be able to give him that. and who knows how much longer im even going to be able to have kids (reminds me gotta make that apt with the new obgyn...)...Lately ive been looking at life in kind of a third person view... it seems like every one i know has some kinda of crisis going on in their lives. Some are handling it well, others are falling apart, some blame the economy some have no clue where they went wrong.. im looking at my life thinking its not where i thought id be, its not as "accomplished" as id like it to be, but i wouldnt want to be any where else. My husband and i are going on 6yrs (for dating, not marriage gee lol) and its crazy to look back on our lives and see how far we've come as people, as a couple, and how much we've grown as parents. I feel so blessed that ive got my happily ever after... it didnt come with out hard work, sleepless nights, heartbreaking fights, but we've gotten here and i couldnt be happier. I wish so much for my family and friends who are looking at their lives right now and not sure whether to stay or run as far away as possible. all i can say is and i havent been married long but ive been threw enough to know its not always easy, its not always care free, some times it hurts like hell, some times leaving seems less painful then staying but in the end you have to look at your own life in third person. What or where do you want to be and who do you want standing next to you.. if you honestly cant see that person in your life (be it husband wife mother father child w/e) then its time you start looking at your life that way now.. but if you see yourself standing next to them and happy FIGHT FOR IT! because obviously your heart is telling you something.. and of course you can never make the other stay, you cant..theres no spell or potion to make some one love you or stay with you(trust me if their were god woulda used it on all of us a looooong time ago) but if that person wants to stay and you want them to stay...work it out. and the only way to know if they want to stay or to work it out...is to openly talk... its hard, i know, but you both have to be open like a public library of your thoughts and feelings.. open it all up... let them do the same, dont be to quick to judge, dont be to easily hurt, try to look at it threw the others eyes, you might not even understand they're pain until you really see it from their side....trust me doing this was what saved my marriage...talk...open....freely...honestly....dont hold back....your goal should be to make them understand your pain and for you to understand there's, then i hope you can heal the pain and work together to be better in each other and for each other...god bless all of my friends who are dealing with this right now...i hope god gives you peace and patience because its a long road either one you take!!!

life is only getting better......

sooo car is stolen.... our lawyer is contacting the people to see if their insurance will cover it...if not... time to sew them....YAY..not... i cant take any more stress. not sure how much longer i can hold off the break down.... trying to see the positive but the negative is starting to blind me.. some things gotta give... soooo the bitch that lived next door from me who let her handicapped kid bang his head on the wall at all hours of the day...who got kicked out of living next door...moved across the complex got her self a nice town house....destroyed the town house...and is now moving in next door, wtf.... thats it no more being nice....that kid bangs his head on the wall to the point of my pictures are moving....im calling cps and i have the number now... i cant ...no sorry... WONT deal with that shit again... i have enough stress in my life PLEASE ADD SOME MORE....... COME ON WHO ELSE WANTS TO GIVE ME A LIL MORE STRESS!!! ok now that ive vented... not understanding how i can do NOTHING WRONG ive done nothing to cause all my misfortune yet it keeps pilling on.... its 1pm and i need a freaking drink....cant ....damn....gotta kid to take care of... just hoping .....no i KNOW this all has to work out... theres no other option i wont let there be an alternative...its going to work out dammit... im going to get a nice new car with the money i get back from these assholes...then im going to deal with retard next door.. kaylynn will run not walk run around the house...my hubby and i will enjoy every moment of the home bills games... i will get pregnant this dec i will move into a nice new place next april....i will have a great time at my best friends wedding next july...i will have a beautiful healthy baby boy and life will be FUCKING AWESOME....why? because i said so dammit and there is no alternative...

grrr

ok so car was broken...car got fixed..now cars broken...cars not in front of shop...car might be stolen... and i really dont know if i care... i cant care any more.. when stress starts to literally make you sick...its time to stop caring so much.. i wish people would stop jinksing me... its not nice.... i have enough bad luck...dont send it my way...so found doggie a home...now lady says the dog is very very sick has to have surgery... what a fuckin lie...dog was perfectly fine when she left me and i got a number of people as witness to the fact that the dog fucking peed out side every day like 5 times a day if not more...not to mention her puppy pads had to be changed every day and the pee was yellow not red.....dumb fucking people...if your not going to pay me for the dog fine...but dont make up crazy shit to make me feel bad...because it works and it makes people like me who actually give a fuck feel pretty fuckin bad....like cant sleep cant eat kinda fucking bad.... i dont know... i dont think i can care any more.. pauls got hockey tonight YAY not here goes this whole thing again (why did i say yes...who knows....) the game is at 9:30 so if i go kaylynn will be up way late...if i dont ill be bored outta my mind the whole time...on top of that we have like no money for gas for the car we are using (funny mine has a full tank...hope some one didnt steal it cuz ima need the gas that was in there i aint got no mo money lol) and he might have to pay 10 to play...hmmmm we have 15 so that leave 5 for the car...that'll get us far.....grrrr and my kid is a pain in the butt today...hold me no dont hold...wait hold me...lets play..no maybe i wanna cry....GRRR to much stress not enough stress reliever.... i dont know how we are going to make it threw this next year i really dont...may this year sux but may next year better be freaking amazing......ohh yeah happy memorial day thank a vet and i mean veteran not a veterinarian they suck!!!

chillin'

I lost 5lbs not much but its gone and stayed gone...i feel a lil better...gotta work on my tummy tho, cuz thats the war zone lol! getting the ab lounge from jenny this week :) yay...now i just gotta force myself to use it....i wanna get an exercise ball too....hmmmm..... feeling kinda fuzzy today. going to dans concert tonight... always makes me a lil worried i mean its a bar down town :/ kinda scary lol... plus we might be meeting his new women sooo im always like omg what is she gunna be like ya know....just a lil freaked out....i had a fever last night..not a bad one it was only 100.1 soo but still i was hoping that would let me get outta today lol damn...now im better and ready to....have fun i guess lol... i dunno i just feel like chillin' all day...taken it easy.....oh well gotta get pumped and go enjoy a rock band...yay lol!! HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!! (thank god for Hannah Montana lol) oh yeah our car got fixed (new engine....cant believe it...) but the check engine soon light is on WTF i think its just a gas cap but gotta get it checked out....

lifes to short

Life is just to short to care about the awaiting circumstance,
there nothing you can do now to change the future,
Life is just to short to just turn your head away,
you never know when he might just walk away,
Life is just to short because you never know what they might say,
or whether or not you will ever see another day,
Life is just to short to waist your time on what isn't,
its time to really enjoy what is,
Life is just to short to to lose control over not having control,
just sit back and enjoy the ride,
Life is just to short to care if the other does not,
time to look for those who have always been there but you forgot,
Life is just to short to not live every single day with no fear with no hate,
Life should be lived every day with hope and love
It's never to late to start living today!

what to do

ok so i am selling Riley online... i feel bad but one our complex changed there rules (kinda they said one pet but didnt really care to many people have like 5pets they start to care i get screwed) so now i have to find riley a new home... well i also have to replace the engine in my car and pauls getting $200 a month taken out of his check for garnishments sooo im screwed need money... no one really get back to me on the dog but one kinda nice lady asking 200 she talks me down to 100 but shes paying me 50 now 50 in two weeks (how do i know she going to pay me? and i want riley gone soon cuz im starting to feel really bad and trying to detach my self) then another lady says she will give me 150 up front and wants to take her like now... so i told her first come first serve... but i feel bad cuz im kinda screwing the other lady...but then again she'd be screwing me....grr what to do HELP.... i hate being the one to get screwed so i dont want to screw any one but why do i have to take the hit cuz i have a freakin conscience??? help... and pauls working overnight all this week YAY which means noooo sleep for me YAY as if you couldnt tell lol i am blogging at 1:40 am lol need sleep cant sleep want to sleep cant sleep i feel bad but dont want to be screw....grrr

and the bullshit continues

i will never ever for the life of me come to understand how some people literally have no common sense i mean its common isnt it? omg just pissed me off how much my husband want to save the world one stupid cardboard box at a time...mean while my house looks like shit because all the "recycling" is piled up... its fucking garbage just laying around my fucking table that i have to eat at.... its nasty... figure out another option dont just put it in a corner ohh but wait that using common sense again sorry i for got... you know how my common sense works? its garbage throw it the fuck away! omg i hate how my husband just stands there and stairs at me like im speaking a foreign fuckin language are you kidding me... he has no brain i swear to god not brain he was born with no fuckin brain...... needless to say people who lack common sense stay the fuck away from me cuz i just might fuckin kill you

really really hate it...

i really really hate it when people feel the need to put you down and make themselves sound so fuckin great!! i mean really i know my faults i dont need you nit picking them and how am i going to better my self if you just wanna kick me down... give me a fuckin hand if your so great.. if youve got it so fuckin right teach me.... just dont get it... you know im kicking my own ass and feeling like shit why join in...again if your so great then be great and make me better... fuck you, and ya know what you aint fucking great and i can admit im not that great of a person and you know what i can not wait to watch you fail... again and again and again.... but the better part is ...i'll be the one to give you the fuckin hand when you do.

the craziest weekend i think ive every had

ok so this weekend was my mother in laws surprise party.. okay not a big deal she was surprised blah blah so we go play mini golf. we had fun but when we went to leave i realized there was big puddle of green fluid coming from my car... wtf... so we drove it back to my sister in laws and finished the rest of the day.. my brother in law was going to try to fix it sunday so we ended up spending the night at there house.. but that night i went bowling with my two sister inlaws and my mother inlaw... omg sooo much fun... i really suck at bowling but it was still great.. tried to teach my sis inlaw to dance.. hahaha that was great. and i had the semi good looking guy next to us watching, which made his date give me a major evil eye lol just nice to know i still got it lol! but im doing ok on the dieting/working out thing even tho this weekend was crazy... been doing a lot of portion control and the upset stomach ive had the past few days really helped lol.. so we finally get home last night (mind you i got like 3hrs of sleep the night before and my kid got maybe 5hrs sleep) so kaylynn is sleeping we are getting into bed and paul goes... um did we ever find the cat... shit... well she got out saturday when i let the dog out.. we did not know this sooo the poor thing was walking around outside for two days.. i felt so bad... i went outside to look for her and there she was at the end of the parking lot.. when i called her name she froze and then when see saw me she started to run... towards me.. i felt so bad. but my neighbor said she was feeding her stake lucky cat lol.. needless to say my white cat was now black.. so after 3hrs of sleep the night before now i was washing my cat at 10:30pm wonderful but she home and shes safe.. now the car.. my bro inlaw could not fix it did not have the right tools. its at the shop now and its only the tube (had a big hole in it) they are only charging us the part cost and cost of the antifreeze to fill it YAY! so its still like 70$ but coulda been much worse so thank you god.. My parents will be here this week end and i am actually kinda looking forward to it. i gotta clean my house really bad but i think my sis inlaw is watching kaylynn overnight thur for me so i can get it all done with out her up my butt lol.. so this weekend was so much fun so frustrating and so crazy all at the same time.. but hey im an urban i should be useto it by now!! lol

shopping and kids

sooo i am watching the kids today and my sis in law is driving my car... i told her i will kill her if she hurts it....and i really mean it lol... my parents will be here a lil over a week from now.... crazy.. to day is my mother in laws 60th bday holy old lol sorry but its pretty old... soo i worked out yesterday and ive been running every where today...does that count? idk but i am already tired wtf! i am making dinner for the kids yay! not.... i really need to lose weight.... fuck!! oh well fun times ahead i have to grocery shop later tonight yay yay yay.... watch me as i try to avoid the h1n1 flu!! lmfao

thats it

ok thats it have to lose weight this is no joke and i mean it this time... i am so sick of being sick and i am so sick of being sick with my self... soo please help me kick my ass in gear i have to lose weight... i want another baby and i dont want diabetes i dont want heart deceases i want to be there for my daughter i want to have energy i want to feel good to feel sexy again..... i hate being this sad and down bout my self IT HAS TO CHANGE NOW!! im the heaviest i have ever been at 270lbs and i cant take it i am ridiculously obese and i dont need any one to be nice to me about it any more i am un healthy and its not pretty thats it life style change starts now!!!! ill keep you updated ... im gunna need to vent in here sooo...... sorry if i get annoying

swin flu and inlaws

ok so im starting to get a lil paranoid over this stupid swine flu....sorry h1n1 flu (ha) every time some one mentions being sick, or they cough around me i am ready to grab lysol and hand sanatizer and spray down every thing and every one around me..... is it that big of deal... maybe... i just hate being sick and worse i dont want my daughter getting sick....
*the economy claims another victim*
thats right folk we have yet another victim of todays economy, who will stop the madness. So my sister is going threw a...how shell i put this... she might lose her house i guess thats the best way to put it.. i cant blame her for being worried (hello i got a thing in the mail that said my husbands wage might be garnished and i went straight to, "lets hope your mother will let us live with her cuz we r going to be out on our ass") so i really cant blame her at the same time i can understand how she'd want to just give it back, when something gives you that much hell you wonder if its really worth it... bottom line we've all got to remember the basics of life... just like in the great depression.. so long as we have a safe warm place to stay and love for one another, life will still go on... even if it means giving up all our comforts lets all take comfort in one another.. ok sorry to get all preachy on you but thats truly how i feel. at the end of it all the only things i need in life is my family and a warm safe place (with food) and we can make it a home just so long as we stick together.
So this weekend is suppose to me my mother in law surprise party but as always thing can not go smoothly and i am waiting to hear the out come of how this week end will go... i need more money lol! grrr

blah

today is such a blah day! its rainy cold and windy outside, what happened to the 80 degrees i want it back... not 50 what the ...grr... the fish is dieing, they never live that long. although my other fish is a year older then the one thats dieing and shes fine... idk. kaylynn is not listening today shes trying to torture the poor dog. I have to do dishes and honestly id rather just throw them all out lol! but my husband says no... damn... i miss my hubby, he works to much! but he's a great provider so i guess i really cant complain to much.. cant wait in a few weeks he will be on vacation, never mind that my parents will be here but at least ill have him!!! kaylynn is getting so big. sometimes it just really surprises me to think back on what she was doing a year ago and then to see her now its crazy! i want another one! but i have to wait and i am fine with that. Paul has to call the lawyer hope all this crap just get figured out, im soo sick of stressing over it, just not worth it any more. well im done rambling and bitching i guess ill go do dishes... blah....

this weekend

this weekend was interesting. lol saturday was such a nice warm day. dropped the kid off at her aunts and headed to the stadium for the draft party. Got lost had to ask for directions (yes my husband actually asked for directions, he has no pride lol jk) finally got there, perfect timing because we didnt have to wait in line like some other people. they were bitching about being there for 2hrs waiting in line (dumb ass didnt even start till 3 lol we got there at 3:30 people have no brains just sad) sooo we did pretty good as far as the draft went. we got to sit on the field, went to our seats for the season (not a bad view at all) got to see brian mormin so that was kewl... oh and tasker was there but who hasnt met him lol......oooohhh there was one really stupid .... i cant continue it gets to violent.....any way there was this guy there who was wearing a tom brady jersey... i really think im going to have to be sedated before the new england game, because just seeing this guy made my blood boil and i really had to control myself so i wouldnt go punch the idiot... grrr i know its football but brady pisses me off.... grrr... lets see after the draft party we went to walmart what fun lol my hubby had to check his schedule after that we went to apple bees gotta drink and an appetizer (last time i do that...so not worth 10buck what the hell) then went to d&b grabbed another drink and watched the last part of the draft... then we picked up with kid and came home....went to bed.... sunday we wanted to go to the bisons game but a series of ridicules events kept us from going later we kind of regretted our decisions till we saw that the bisons lost 4-0 sooooo kinda glad i didnt waist my time...and now today is 80 somethin degrees and im in doors wtf... lol its mad windy out there to. and my house is being invaded by bees what the fuck!!! well that pretty much it.....

warm warm weather and hottie trent edwards

ok so it is amazingly beautiful out side and i love it! nothing makes me wanna run naked like warm weather... wait what does that have to do with any thing HAHA thats kinda a scary thought tho lol. well i think i might have gotten a handle on my thoughts... or not... who knows lol. my family will be here next month and i am soooo happy! just hope i have enough patience and money ... i cant wait to drink with my fav sis and sis inlaw shh dont tell lol a girls night out with two of the greatest funniest chicks i know... priceless.... hell we dont need alchol were crazy enough on our own... but the booze is nice. can not wait.. my bday is like 3mths away (holy shit) and i have this nagging feeling im getting old. i know im not "old" im just realizing that im truly growing up and some times it scares the shit outta me. other times i think i will forever be my crazy messed up inmature laughing at people who fall self... and god i hope i am.. lol honestly what is the point of living if you cant laugh...even if you are laughing at ...well.... every thing.. including yourself. it just makes life easier....sometimes.. ohh tomorrow i get to go to ralph wilson stadium (its where the bills play) and watch the draft... plus we might get to meet/hang out with some of the players... ooohhh i hope trent edwards is there lol... hey hes my get outta marriage free card... lol im smart i pick local people!! haha like that with ever happen im so viginal im surprised i have a kid! lol ok well i shell go enjoy the fantasic weather before we get snow again... lmfao just kidding dont kill me lol

why wont she just shut up!?!QnA

ok so my kid will not shut up shes not happy with any thing and this does not help my increasingly worse migraine grrrr. ok so every thing went pretty well yesterday! the dr is an idiot. how is that that a person can go to school for 10 yrs and still be a complete idiot... i dont get it. And why do i have to pay for the secound hour in a parking gargage when ive only been there 65min GRRR! i hate downtown yet i love big citys i will never make sence now even to myself lol i wish i didnt kill my dreams, some times i long for them.... oh well past is past and future is full of diapers lol.. oh well...lunch... i have to get luch for my kid, am i way to random? probably! does any one care? well i dont care lol! thought of the day what is beauty?

yesterday (4-22-09)

ahhh yesterday... what a long crazy day! well kaylynns dr apt went very well she got her last shot till shes 4 so YAY! my dr apt, well as always they have no fucking clue what is wrong with me, but some one will contact me when they know more... yay.. jen's court date did not go so well.... grr stupid ass fucking law garudians bitch needs a good beaten lol! ok sorry thats a lil to much isnt it... mmmmm no i think that'll work. today kaylynn has an apt with the specailist yay then i have to clean my house NOOOOO!!!!! saturday is the draft baby and ill be spending it at the ralph!!!

junk

ok so i guess im like a blogging machine today dont really know why just really feel like typing. its kinda nice to get the thoughts outta my head for once and writing .... well that just takes way to long. so tomorrow i have a dr apt and i nervous about the out come. not that it should really be that big of deal but it has the potential to be...well huge... my husband is stuck at work and this pisses me off cuz i had plans for tonight and my child has 3 teeth coming in all at once and mother nature desided to grace me with allergy that are causing one major head ache. moral of the story my house is my own personal hell at the moment. but that should be no surprise. the fairy doesn't drop here fairy dust my way all that often its ok im getting use to it. grr i hate when a song gets so stuck in your head you just wanna ripe it out your ears... i think my kid is sleeping which has potential to be horrible....its 5:30 she sleeps an hour aint no way im getting her back to sleep before 11...but shes just so damn cranky.... kids i love them when they're not screaming...and dont act like you dont feel the same...

life

ok so im new to blogging but whatever i write shit on my computer all the time how could this be any different. Life its so f***in confusing i cant seem to get my head straight. one minute i gotta go up the next im swirling down... grr where the hell is that life preserver so many people already found. did i miss it. honest to god.. i know they say that not every one you look at who seems happy is truly but dammit when you look at me dont you know shit is fucked up... and honestly do i care bout the shit the wanna be barbie is going threw. i mean isnt it so hard to pick which color your new Mercedes should be. i know i know every one goes through hard ships in life but you know what... "i fear being happy because every time im happy something bad always happens" -charlie brown. why is one of the most Innocent shows of our child hood so damn right.... off topic but why the hell are there like 5million different charlie brown (peanuts w/e) now.. for real its like every 3 mths theres a show on to celebrate something (next in progress"happy dingus day charlie brown" my idea first) i thought that guy died why are they suddenly pumping out these productions like wild fire... or do i just pay that lil attention? who knows back to life. 7 why is 7 the defining number of my life lately? And where the hell am i gunna get 1,800 dollars in a matter of weeks.... craigslist isnt working.. maybe i just need to put an add in another sections lol (erotic services) hah! that wouldnt get me any money either...... grr life i hate when it doesnt make since and im terrified when it does.