how do u

how do you mend a broken heart how do you dry the tears when they wont stop falling. how do you move forward when your only looking back.

still waiting

still waiting to find out the out come to my life.. its a really big cliff hanger that's got me nervous.. my stomach is twisted into knots and im not sure how this all is going to go. God grant me patience's please, and please lord lead me guide me show me the way cuz i am so lost and so affraid... be with my lord now i pray help me make it threw another day! Amen.

two types of people in this world

I’ve come to believe that there are two types of people in this world. God like and Devil life.
The God like people, one normally believe in God, but maybe not all. They truly feel peoples pain, within their own souls they hurt for the pain of people who have lost, lost loved ones, lost homes, even lost their sense of self. They care, they care how they could make this world better, they care about what they say or do to other people. They help out when ever they can, where they are needed, without much complaint. They are God’s people. Then there’s the devil like people, these people normally to not believe in God, but again maybe some do. These people find pleasure in other peoples pain. They truly hope for others sorrow because at least it makes them better (in there eyes obviously this is not the case). Some are competitive for the “who’s got it worse game” which really should not be a game, because if you ask me, who really wants their life to be any worse than any one else’s? They don’t care what happens around them, like natural disasters, because hey at least it wasn’t them. They think the world owes them something and therefore they don’t have to do anything because life should just hand it to them. They think that when others get something good its no fair because they deserve it more than any one else. These are devil like people.
Now also I’ve come to believe that not all people are bad, but no all are good. It would be truly hard for us as simple humans to always be God like, because I know some of us try our best but we still fall into the devils side now and again. However I do believe that we each have our own personalities that either mainly stem from being Godly or Devilish. This doesn’t mean the angel can’t be the demon and the demon can’t repent to be an angel, God forgives! But think about it are you more out for you or do you care about other‘s, genuinely care? Would you give a freezing person the shirt off your back, risking that you may now freeze or would you simply say I’m sorry walk away thinking your glad your not the one freezing. Its up to you how you want to be, but know that there’s always time for a change.

cant take it

i cant take it any more ...... every time i think life is going up it falls right back down. ive got very few options left... holding out hope on the goodness of the world and we all know thats not sure bet these days. just really dont understand it. how can something like this happen??? how can people just turn their backs and pretend like nothing happen HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT??? HOW?? i dont think i could live with myself if i fucked some one over this bad..... just dont get it... really hoping something will work out... knowing that some how it has to but i have no f*in clue how....or when.....or whats going to happen... i hate not having one freaking ounce of control over my fate its just ridiculous... i know i cant always have control but dammit this is just ......AHHHH cant take it... at the breaking point....im done....im done playing nice...im done trying to hold it all together... im coming apart at the seems and its only a matter of time before this whole thing i call life officially just unravels and falls to complete pieces......

irritations

ive had many irritations today...just really irritated right now.. dont understand peoples lack of common sense and how they just cant seem to get 2 and 2 together.... its 4 people...gee oh well the day will get better...right?....right.....i think....no it will....ahhh it has to...

thank god

sooo thank god the insurance company is going to settle with us YAY! just not sure how much we are getting... now we have to find a new car again...hope god protects us this time and we make a much better choice...please pray that this all goes well could really use some good prayers! Paul also got interviewed for a new position at work...like all new position that they never even had before... but its only a 20 cent raise and its 4pm1am sooooo not really sure how that is going to work out... happy for my baby but wondering what kinda strain that might put on our family!! oh well god will guide us we've just gotta listen!! well thats it good news sooo yay june is going to be our lucky month i know it god will help us!!

umm..yeah

so kaylynn just took like 6 steps...very well i might add. across the room just to get to me..thought she was going to sit and crawl but nope she walked. so happy shes finally getting it.. me and daddy and her aunt and grandparents too have been working soo hard to get her to just let go...shes finally doing it.. Plus she keeps saying new words, she loves to "try" and sing the alphabet song (so funny and cute) im trying to work on sounds of letters with her now, she just looks at me like im silly... maybe i am but i want her to have a good head start in life. i want her to have and take every opportunity she has in life. i want the best for her in every way possible.. Shes so cute, every time i ask her if she wants a lil brother or sister she looks at me, smiles, then gives me a big hug :) i want another lil one, especially a boy because my husband is dying for a boy and i really want to be able to give him that. and who knows how much longer im even going to be able to have kids (reminds me gotta make that apt with the new obgyn...)...Lately ive been looking at life in kind of a third person view... it seems like every one i know has some kinda of crisis going on in their lives. Some are handling it well, others are falling apart, some blame the economy some have no clue where they went wrong.. im looking at my life thinking its not where i thought id be, its not as "accomplished" as id like it to be, but i wouldnt want to be any where else. My husband and i are going on 6yrs (for dating, not marriage gee lol) and its crazy to look back on our lives and see how far we've come as people, as a couple, and how much we've grown as parents. I feel so blessed that ive got my happily ever after... it didnt come with out hard work, sleepless nights, heartbreaking fights, but we've gotten here and i couldnt be happier. I wish so much for my family and friends who are looking at their lives right now and not sure whether to stay or run as far away as possible. all i can say is and i havent been married long but ive been threw enough to know its not always easy, its not always care free, some times it hurts like hell, some times leaving seems less painful then staying but in the end you have to look at your own life in third person. What or where do you want to be and who do you want standing next to you.. if you honestly cant see that person in your life (be it husband wife mother father child w/e) then its time you start looking at your life that way now.. but if you see yourself standing next to them and happy FIGHT FOR IT! because obviously your heart is telling you something.. and of course you can never make the other stay, you cant..theres no spell or potion to make some one love you or stay with you(trust me if their were god woulda used it on all of us a looooong time ago) but if that person wants to stay and you want them to stay...work it out. and the only way to know if they want to stay or to work it out...is to openly talk... its hard, i know, but you both have to be open like a public library of your thoughts and feelings.. open it all up... let them do the same, dont be to quick to judge, dont be to easily hurt, try to look at it threw the others eyes, you might not even understand they're pain until you really see it from their side....trust me doing this was what saved my marriage...talk...open....freely...honestly....dont hold back....your goal should be to make them understand your pain and for you to understand there's, then i hope you can heal the pain and work together to be better in each other and for each other...god bless all of my friends who are dealing with this right now...i hope god gives you peace and patience because its a long road either one you take!!!